Somewhere between the political unrest in Iran (strong shout out to Mazzi and his family, hope you’re all safe) and my man Cosmo Baker’s rant on real DJ business, I had to sign up for Twitter. I already feel more connected. Or lame. Or both. Anyway, I’m thinking a lot about the protesters in Iran, and I encourage everyone to keep an eye on the developments out there – big things happening. On a lighter note, here’s my man Cosmo, giving these fake DJs the business:

i remember when it was biting if you sounded like
someone else & you weren’t part of their crew or at least from their
hood

I remember when biting was considered weak and people got called out
for it. What the F*ck happened?

I remember when DJs had their own particular unique style motherfuckers
weren’t so generic

I remember when particular records were attributed to DJs, back when
every damn fool didn’t have every damn record at their fingertips

I remember when DJs had to work HARD to unearth joints, or drop serious
cream.

I remember when DJs had to work hard when they perform, not look like
they’re checking their f*cking email

I remember when DJs broke new records in the club, not letting kids
ringtones dictate what I should be playing. You can get the bozak

I remember when my community of artists wasn’t so f*cking APATHETIC.
“Well you know dude, you gotta play the game…” F*ck all that, turkey!

I remember when people actually got EXCITED when the new hot joint came
on in the club, and the recognized it

Yeah, I have records where the labels have been washed off / blacked
out. What of it? I don’t give a F*ck, get your own records

PS – BITING IS NEVER ALLOWED. Beatbiters get the herbalz in they mouth
And for a lot of you motherfuckers who are on some “Well that’s just
the way it is these days” shit..

… I feel you but yall motherfuckers just using that shit as a crutch.
Step you’re f*cking game up

Also, PS – Dude, you wouldn’t BE a DJ if they never invented Microwave.
Don’t think you can speak to me.

Matter of fact, don’t even address me unless its that real live offical
shit. All that other shit’s to the curb

If you don’t have double copies of “Dance to the Drummers Beat” in one
sleeve, do not even address me, son

I remember when Kool G Rap “its The Demo” would set the f*cking party
off RIGHT. Now it’s all 130BPM+ wobble wobble. All good, just saying

Hey DJ – what’s the next trend to hop on? f*cking Mosquito-Tech-Step?
Go fly a kite while I listen to The O’Jays..

Better yet, no matter where in the world you are right now, put on
Donald Byrd “Love Has Come Around” and GET f*cking RIGHT!

Rest In Peace DJ Donald Stone – a true Philly original and innovator

Every real HIP-HOP DJ keeps 2 copies of “Before I Let Go” in their
crates

Peace to DJ Cash Money – that’s a real motherfucking DJ for you…

Try to copy Cash’s scratches for a week straight while locked in your
room, then speak to me. NO BITING ALLOWED!

“Yo, what the F*ck was that record Red Alert just played” – THEN come
speak to me, motherfucker. Not before…

Straight up I do this shit because I have no other choice. I didn’t
choose to be a DJ – DJing chose me. This aint no popularity contest.

Sucker ducks and beat biters can get to stepping. Real rap NO BITERS.
You get called on it for now on…

Don’t speak to me unless you can rock a party with a shoebox of 45s and
a pair of busted headphones. GET YOUR WEIGHT UP. But for real…

Step your f*cking games up. I know you will. Wheat separated from the
chaff. Let’s go. Its about that time…

Yo Cool Guy DJ – YOU HAVE NO RECORDS. Step off…

Also, if you can’t beatmatch without looking at WAVE FILES you should
just pack it in right now and go home. UPS is hiring, son…

I’d rather work at Taco Bell than be a weak-ass DJ. This is going out
to a whole bunch of you dudes out there, HOLLER

I don’t give a F*ck, I’m from Philly and we have the hardest crowds in
the world.

I’ve been straight booed off the set before. It’s only made me better.
STEP YOUR GAMES UP

I don’t give a F*ck ill tell you right now – the shit I hear on the
radio these days has NO f*cking EDGE to it.

Cue the apologists: “dude you’re so disconnected from the yoot and the
skreets.” Nah son you’re just unoriginal and have bad taste

I’ll see all you lames when you grow tired of being DJs and move onto
whatever your next “passion” is. Pottery maybe? Tarot cards? Suckers

Someone recently spoke on how we “Used to police ourselves and be our
OWN quality control” (@Sake1derful maybe?)

Let’s get back to that all call that weak shit for what it is. Weak
shit is to the curb, g.

How about dropping the record when that shit was on 45? Oh yeah you
digiDJs never had that issue did you.

Shout to @stretcharmy a real f*cking DJ everyome else sit down

i used to buy EVERY copy of a particular record to protect my sound.
one time i bought 8 of em… ME TOO MY DUDE

But before I go, just hear me on this one – you go out and you hear a
DJ really f*cking DOING IT? Let that motherfucker know…

And all you fakers and BEAT BITERS from this day on we’re calling you
the F*ck out.

Oh yeah, forgot one thing – DJs, learn to let that f*cking record LIVE.
I mean, play that f*cking record

Lotta dudes these days on some “Let me play 10 records in 60 seconds”
shit – which is cool, and an art in itself…

But motherfuckers cutting records off WAY before its time. That’s a
prime example of DJs playing tunes that they JUST DON’T KNOW…

Like man, these dudes back when they were constructing these songs,
they knew what they were doing. TRUST THESE DUDES. TRUST TOM MOULTON…

TRUST LARRY. TRUST SHEP. These records have a natural way of coming
into their own maturity over the 7/8/9 minutes that they run.

Cutting them off before they’ve fully matured to appease to some
fuckwad’s nonexistant attentian span does this music a grave disservice

I’m on some “playing all three verses” on the hip-hop tip these days

Also to you dumb motherfuckers who come to the clurb and ask for hip
hop but really don’t even know what that means…

.. I’ll play some Super Lover Cee & Cassanova Rud for ya? Boo hoo this
aint Rihanna or some assorted “Lil” or “Yung” character, IDGAF

It actually occured to me that if you aint listening to Cameo right now
then you aint shit…

So yeah, follow me at www.twitter.com/GoodRecordNYC but don’t expect too much. I’m already hating on it! roffle.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 15th, 2009 at 3:10 pm and is filed under Teh Blog, Teh Club. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.